Kink Shaming and Consent

It is always a tad disheartening when you see fighting and griping within the fetish lifestyle and industry – the fighting in regards to kink shaming. It happens because someone finds offense with the topic that turns someone else one.

We aren’t exactly seen around the world as the beacons of morality – should we really be fighting and trying to destroy each other from within our own industry?

The vanilla world stands united with their very loud voices of hate and disgust towards sex workers and fetish lifestyle lovers. At one time this really was a Live and Let Live, type of community – but with the current political climate – it seems the poo flinging is only getting worse…WITHIN our ranks.

I’ve spoken out on this topic before, but it seems to be creeping up into my time line again. There is a HUGE difference between being a hateful bigot (racist, homophobic, any kind of -ism or -phobic you can think off) and just engaging in kink and fetish. I am a sex worker, I wouldn’t be able to thrive in this world without having a strong backbone. I speak out for fetishists in the same way that I will speak out for anyone that is the target of hate.

What is kink shaming?

Anytime you decide to pass judgement on consenting adults for engaging in a kink that gets their jollies off…you are kink shaming.


Of course, enter in social media, and suddenly it becomes everyone’s business and subsequently everyone’s ‘right to judge’.

Truth be told, there ARE some fetishes that I too wrinkle my nose up at. But, I choose to walk away and play with those that I do enjoy – rather than insert my own feels into it. At the end of the day that is all you are doing, inserting your own feels. Your feels and my feels are best used against the actual bigots of the world that seems to make them feel accepted (the vanilla world 😉 )

Need some examples of kink shaming? I’ll pull from my own personal experiences:

I engage in a lot of abdl training and fetish play – I have had comments made about me paving the path for child rapists and pedophiles. I don’t…ABDL HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH PEDOPHILIA. I really just want to carve “NO IT FUCKING ISN’T” into a bat and swing it at someone every time they make those comments. That is a little dramatic, but I hear it quite a bit.

Many of my sissyslut players or my homoerotic fantasy players want to hear certain trigger words that put them up over that edge. In the vanilla world, those words would be unacceptable, and I would never use them.

I’ll engage in a humiliation exposure and financial domination game that involves twitter or some other public post – and I’ll get a message of how unethical it is – even when the accuser has ZERO idea of what the scene boundaries entail.

I’ll throw up a message regarding broke fuck bois and get messages about how I shouldn’t kick people who are already down. I’ve seen many of the top industry girls receive some hate thrown their way for comments like that. (Those comments are…well I have my theories of why they say it but, not the time nor place. LOL)

I’ll create a homewrecker clip or audio and see responses saying that “any domme that breaks up a home isn’t a real domme” – You have NO IDEA what the homewrecker fantasy/fetish is … if you think that is ALL it is and I despise comments that include “you are not a real domme if…” – “only real dommes….”

No…Real dommes do whatever they fuck they want dear. It’s in the definition. Please look it up in your closest fetish dictionary.

Are you a fetish play sex worker that ‘forces’ a sissy to suck a strap on? Some loved that ‘forced’ experience but we know there Is still consent and an understanding at the beginning. Why not scream that is rape? Does it not play into certain political agendas or personal feels?

Why is it ok for fetish players and not ok for everyone else? What makes it different?

Because they specifically ask for it. Not in the way misogynistic assholes will say a girl wearing a mini skirt in an ally way was asking for it…they used their words – they asked for it. They want it. They are just heavily charged words used in a moment of ecstasy. Because for most, especially in the world of phone sex and custom clips … anything goes…you just have to ask for it first.

I can easily look to a group of my girls and say ‘love you bitches’ or ‘whores for life’ but if someone outside the group says it with ill intent or perceived ill intent — they would be verbally destroyed.

SOME plays cross boundaries – SOME workers will give a bad name to the industry (that already has a bad name anyway) – but those are SOME. The established ones work within the boundaries of CONSENT.

If you are hot and heavy in the bedroom, and you are screaming to your lover to choke you, smack you on the ass or call you a bitch/slut … its just play. If you did that shit with someone you didn’t know – all hell will break loose. The difference is CONSENT.

Everything points back to consent.

The difference between BDSM and Abuse? Consent

Difference between naughty words and harassment? Consent

Difference between a homophobic racist and sissy that wants to suck on a well endowed BBC? Consent

Everything points back to consent.

I do need to insert the fact that some clips and fetishes really do cater to hate and those are more extreme. You will have that anywhere you go, with anything you do. The occasional BBC Worshiping sissy, isn’t a hate monger. The sex worker or clip artist that puts that out there, isn’t a hate monger either.

It’s always hard to add that point in, because then you have to ask – where do you draw the line?

Draw it where ever you want. Just turn and walk away – don’t engage…and don’t bait. Understand that there will be kinks you don’t like or personally approve of…but keep political agenda’s and personal feels out of it.

But what about the actual racists that play? What about those into underage stuff? – what did I say about consent? Underage can’t consent—what did I say about consent? You’ll never be able to stop actual racists from looking to play, and they will have someone out there that will indulge their racist fantasies.

Some will say “you are just as bad as they are” – those are words we expect from non-sex workers and those that hate anything to do with kink and fetish. Those aren’t words we expect to hear from our fellow sex workers.

I would also turn the tables and ask why you don’t go after the male artists that post clips with slave girls, bound and gagged and whipped – called every name in the book. *Again, no hate, no shade…just a basis for comparison* – Why do we as female sex workers ultimately attack other female sex workers?

Would I use those words day to day? Absolutely not. Truth is, there are a few that I won’t say in session either, regardless of what they are begging for.

Why not take in the whole picture? Is hate something someone spews on a regular basis? Or does it look like a genre/niche specific posting.

Who is buying it? Someone is…MANY are – because it’s what they are into for one reason or another.

Side note: Some fetishists are the way they are because of very negative experiences that they had when they were younger and their brain turned it around and fetishized it to better deal. If that is something that helps them deal – why kink shame?

I don’t care if a person wants to eat shit, I care if people treat each other like shit.

Let’s not kink shame our fellow sex workers and further alienate some clientele that just need a release with a little seemingly taboo play. Taboo is where the fun is for them. Taboo is where the release is. Taboo will be defined differently for everyone. You don’t have to like it, you don’t have to engage in it. Things that make my stomach turn – I don’t engage in and will turn clients away. One of the beauties of the industry.

Don’t engage in hate, don’t spread hate and bigotry .

We can’t expect the world to take us seriously, if we continue to teach each other down internally.

Live and Let Live. I believe Kink could cure most of the worlds problems with a good orgasmic release (or some intentionally sexual frustration) – we are all in this together.

Don’t kink shame – this is an area you can indulge in your kink with the confines of safe, secure consent. We are all equal – all is fair in love and kink…with consent.

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ABC’s of Kink and Fetishes

The ABC’s of Kink and Fetish

Every person has some kink or fetish. Whether or not they admit it is something entirely different. You’ll never convince me otherwise. I’ve been in the world of Kink and Fetish long enough to know that even the most square person you know maybe wonder outside that square box from time to time.

In the age of the internet, it isn’t hard to connect to others with like minds. What MAY vary is how some come about their kinks and fetishes. It can stem from simple curiosities and range to deeply seeded and embedded memories from an earlier time in their lives.

A- Arousing Curiosity about the Abnormal

Do you find yourself aroused by things that may be deemed abnormal? I’d first want to discuss what is abnormal to you. I can’t even begin to define normal for myself, so I wouldn’t be able to tell YOU what is abnormal and what isn’t.

When I discuss some of my own kinks and fetishes I can tell some of them may be a little different than others. Their piqued curiosity is almost a red light that what I said isn’t something they’ve heard of in the past.

When In a session, I actually despise the questions of ‘what is the most bizarre thing you’ve done/’heard’ because it is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe dressing in drag is taboo for you, then again administering a champaign enema may be something you engage in regularly. There is no such thing as normal in the world of kink and fetish…so if there is no line to just normal, then there is no real line of abnormal. (Perhaps my client that enjoys the idea of being sucked up into a vacuum cartoon style is wavering on that line – but, to me, it’s still exciting/different/fun)

Does the abnormal make that cock twitch?

B- Are you Bold Enough to Explore?

Yes, you are. Because here you are. You’ve been looking for a while. Bold starts with typing into a search engine what you are trying to explore and you may not even know there is a name for your kink – which, trust me, there is always a name. LOL It is out there.

You may find yourself typing in “ why am I turned on by the thought of my wife having sex with someone else” – The term you are looking for is cuckold. Cuckold is the fantasy/fetish of having your wife/SO be with someone else. There is quite the history of Cuckolding but that would be for another post.

I will warn you that it is a bit of a rabbit hole. Once you start on the path you’ll find others with twisted ideas and other kinks/fetishes that you may not have encountered. But, as you grab that cock and start stroking – you’ll find it may turn you on to. At that point, you are becoming more of a fetishist. Someone that likes to explore different kinks, fantasies, and lifestyles. It is a fun and crazy world down here.

C- Are you Curious about others being into what you are, are you the only one?

You aren’t the only one. You could be into dressing in a pink sissy maid outfit with a rainbow horse tail butt plug and walking around in horse hoofed shoes with a bit in your mouth – there is someone out there that would love to dress just like that.

As much information as there is on the internet, you would think it would be easier finding those of like minds. But, it isn’t…not always anyway. The Internet is mostly a safe place to explore your kink and fetish in the privacy of your own home (Insert rant on internet safety and personal responsibility). Going out and meeting up with people face to face is a much bigger step than a large chunk of the community is willing to do. I speak this from experience with my clients that would never step outside their door and have a conversation with someone in the vanilla world about their kink world. For them, it’s too risky. It can make you feel isolated, but you still aren’t alone.

Why not explore your wild side a bit? What happens between consenting adults is none of anyone else’s concern.

So embrace you, the sexually adventurous are free. You can let out frustration and live a happier life indulging in your kinks and fetishes every once in a while.

What is your Kink? What is your Fetish? What is your Story?

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Head Mistress and Variety

Every mistress out there appreciates a truly devoted pet. One that bends to her every will, one that complies with her every demand, one that knows her expectations and strives to exceed them. The pet doesn’t waste time, isn’t an energy suck – is just overall a well-trained sub.

BUT, THOSE subs are few and far between. I could throw a dart and hit someone that CLAIMS they are as devoted as they SAY but I am not one for empty promises. I am a mistress of action and tangible proof of your devotion. Don’t say it…DO it. That is, perhaps, another post later on.

Today I’m going over certain expectations I have for those that serve me.

While I love ones that are head-over-heals monogamous pets…I am not a monogamous mistress. You will not be my only pet. You could very well become a top pet but that position is something that is something that you have to constantly work at. I have found that the majority of submissive pets that are well-trained and are of the level of sub I want – they kind of need variety.

I am ok with your desire to have a variety of Mistresses.

I know there are Mistresses that will say that this is a hard-limit and you have no business serving others. That is fine. Live and let live.

I will say that if you are OWNED that I will not accept you as a pet. If you are OWNED you have no business seeking out another mistress to play with, UNLESS you have actual permission from your mistress. I don’t believe in stepping on the toes or disrespecting another mistress.

I don’t play the games of ‘well so and so, does this’ or ‘this mistress said that’ –if you are a pot stirrer that gets off on the drama some women tend to get off on I can point you in the proper direction but it won’t be towards me.

I expect honesty from my pets and submissives. Be honest about the fact that you like to shake things up.

With that said…I DO expect to be your HEADMISTRESS. If you want to be devoted to me, if you want to be in my good graces and not seen as a one and done type submissive, if you want to build on a D/s relationship – I expect to be your Head Mistress.

What is a Headmistress?

It shouldn’t be that hard to decipher. She is the one you ultimately serve. Sure you can go out for your variety when there are times that schedules don’t line up, or you just want to have a little swirl for the evening…but the rules set for you by your headmistress you ultimately follow.

For instance…with your headmistress if you are on a strict chastity. Don’t go to another mistress to have it removed, the only one that can remove it is your headmistress. The other mistress could encourage chastity or perhaps tease and torment you and humiliate you while you are in it.

Your Head Mistress has the final say over everything.

Respect is everything when it comes to properly serving a Domme. I respect your need for variety, just as I expect YOU to respect me as your headmistress.

Some may agree, some may disagree – I don’t care. You follow the rules of the one you deem as your headmistress. I don’t fight with other dommes and never will. There will never be a sub worth the energy of a fight. LOL However, I love the ability to partner up with them and turn you into a tennis ball that we hit back and forth and fuck your world up deeper.

Double-domme sessions are something I adore with a select group, and am always open to the idea of adding in more.

You take care of your Head Mistress and she is sure to make sure you are well taken care of too. Just food for thought.

Do you have a head mistress? Are you a single mistress sub or owned? What rules do you have to abide by?

Until next time my pets.

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Your Erotic Financial Advisor Awaits

When the penis does the picking. It get’s itself into trouble. You constantly find yourself in a state of panic, in a state of near or complete ruin. What you need ~ is an erotic financial advisor.

Truth is, your addiction to humiliation, cock control, and your addiction to emptying your wallet into the hands of a beautiful temptress – is NEVER going to go away. The desire WILL continue to grow, sometimes at a steady, slow pace and other times at a rapid rate.

This leaves you scrambling wondering what to do until the next payday. Do you pawn your wedding ring? Do you sell some of your most treasured possessions? How DO you manage the addiction?

The answer is YOU don’t…**I** do. I control your cock, I control your spending habits, I control your addiction. I decide if and when to take it further.  I decide if you should be ruined until the next pay day or if you are allowed a little room to squirm.

I’ve already said that when your penis does the picking, it gets into trouble. But, your penis is already picking me. And I can assure you, that is the single best decision it has made in a very, very long time.

You were put on this earth to spoil and admire and to give all you have. I was put on this earth to BE spoiled, to BE admired, and to take all you have.

At the end of the day ~ I truly have your best intentions at heart. A wallet raped pay pig is well taken care of, well coddled – so long as you are doing what is REALLY important.

I will be taking charge of your finances and I will be that erotic financial advisor – with a side of kink therapy.

One thing to take note of: I am your most important bill. You take care of me, your erotic financial advisor, before you take care of ANYTHING else. Because if you want my guidance, my attention..if you want ME – then you have to take care of me. I come above everything and everyone. And in return, you can find comfort and feel secure with belonging to an elite financial domme.

The pussy will do the picking from now on, it will make the decisions for you from now on. SO, its time to stop dicking around. Your addiction won’t wait. Allow someone that understands your needs to take control. You will get the feeling of relief, if at least for a little bit. At times you may feel weak, but you will feel empowered – like you are making a difference and taking control.

By giving me control of your life, you are taking control of your addiction. Realizing that you’ve never HAD the control and the only way to deal with it – is to have your elite findom – your money goddess – your erotic financial advisor – your EVERYTHING…take control for you.

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Femdom relationship : Communication is Key

As with every aspect of life to get the most out of your femdom relationship, communication is KEY.

Being able to articulate your desires, your limits, and address any concerns you may have are paramount to solidifying and moving forth and growing within that setting: regardless if it is a personal femdom relationship or a professional one.

Even if you are just starting out as a submissive, you still have an IDEA of what rode you want to take. If you are a clean slate and are OK with your Domme guiding you through the many layers of the Femdom world that’s ok…just be prepared for what all that may or may not entail.

An experienced Domme will know how to deal with the ‘green’ submissives. But, she will also see through you almost immediately if you are claiming green but are just someone trying to be sneaky for whatever reason you may have. With that said, as new as you may be…you STILL need to have at least an inkling of which direction you want to go, which area you would like to even test drive.

You must always be careful with the statement “Do whatever you want to me” – which is loathed by many Dominants, male and female alike. You make that statement and I’ll immediately go straight to the wallet rapping and pegging. (Hey if that’s something you are into that’s even better 😉 but often times the submissive is looking for something different)

Speaking from experience, my ideal submissive is one that I would classify as a cerebral submissive. One that analyzes, one that experiments, one that isn’t afraid to express his own desires. Of course his desires and my desires SHOULD pair up if we are going to ‘connect’ on a deeper level for the more cerebral part. You could classify it as a mind fuck, one that goes beyond the session. (Im working on a post for what I view as a cerebral submissive that I’ll post at some point)

If you don’t know your limits, it’s important to learn them, so that you can better communicate them. I adore my pain slut submissives, but they absolutely need to know their limits so we can play within safer perimeters — or so I know how far is to far and ease them to that limit so they can one day surpass it. (I certainly have goals for them 😉 )

I have had experiences where we didn’t connect due to lack of communication, both RT pro-sessions and distance. He may not have known HOW to communicate the desires or didn’t understand, and it wasn’t really a blemish on my part as the dominate. I’ve been in the game a long time, I know I’m amazing 😉 For me there has to be more than just ‘do your thing’ if you want MORE than how I respond to ‘do your thing’

Communicating your goals and thoughts is NOT topping from the bottom when coming from a place of honesty and respect. Topping from the bottom is not ok whether you are an online submissive or RT submissive, with your femdom relationship.

In my eyes, those are two completely different beasts.

Everyone has goals. I have my ideas on where I want to take a submissive, and I’m sure the submissive has his own goals. In order for everyone to get the full enjoyment and all around experience…Communication is key within the femdom relationship.

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