ABC’s of Kink and Fetishes

The ABC’s of Kink and Fetish

Every person has some kink or fetish. Whether or not they admit it is something entirely different. You’ll never convince me otherwise. I’ve been in the world of Kink and Fetish long enough to know that even the most square person you know maybe wonder outside that square box from time to time.

In the age of the internet, it isn’t hard to connect to others with like minds. What MAY vary is how some come about their kinks and fetishes. It can stem from simple curiosities and range to deeply seeded and embedded memories from an earlier time in their lives.

A- Arousing Curiosity about the Abnormal

Do you find yourself aroused by things that may be deemed abnormal? I’d first want to discuss what is abnormal to you. I can’t even begin to define normal for myself, so I wouldn’t be able to tell YOU what is abnormal and what isn’t.

When I discuss some of my own kinks and fetishes I can tell some of them may be a little different than others. Their piqued curiosity is almost a red light that what I said isn’t something they’ve heard of in the past.

When In a session, I actually despise the questions of ‘what is the most bizarre thing you’ve done/’heard’ because it is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe dressing in drag is taboo for you, then again administering a champaign enema may be something you engage in regularly. There is no such thing as normal in the world of kink and fetish…so if there is no line to just normal, then there is no real line of abnormal. (Perhaps my client that enjoys the idea of being sucked up into a vacuum cartoon style is wavering on that line – but, to me, it’s still exciting/different/fun)

Does the abnormal make that cock twitch?

B- Are you Bold Enough to Explore?

Yes, you are. Because here you are. You’ve been looking for a while. Bold starts with typing into a search engine what you are trying to explore and you may not even know there is a name for your kink – which, trust me, there is always a name. LOL It is out there.

You may find yourself typing in “ why am I turned on by the thought of my wife having sex with someone else” – The term you are looking for is cuckold. Cuckold is the fantasy/fetish of having your wife/SO be with someone else. There is quite the history of Cuckolding but that would be for another post.

I will warn you that it is a bit of a rabbit hole. Once you start on the path you’ll find others with twisted ideas and other kinks/fetishes that you may not have encountered. But, as you grab that cock and start stroking – you’ll find it may turn you on to. At that point, you are becoming more of a fetishist. Someone that likes to explore different kinks, fantasies, and lifestyles. It is a fun and crazy world down here.

C- Are you Curious about others being into what you are, are you the only one?

You aren’t the only one. You could be into dressing in a pink sissy maid outfit with a rainbow horse tail butt plug and walking around in horse hoofed shoes with a bit in your mouth – there is someone out there that would love to dress just like that.

As much information as there is on the internet, you would think it would be easier finding those of like minds. But, it isn’t…not always anyway. The Internet is mostly a safe place to explore your kink and fetish in the privacy of your own home (Insert rant on internet safety and personal responsibility). Going out and meeting up with people face to face is a much bigger step than a large chunk of the community is willing to do. I speak this from experience with my clients that would never step outside their door and have a conversation with someone in the vanilla world about their kink world. For them, it’s too risky. It can make you feel isolated, but you still aren’t alone.

Why not explore your wild side a bit? What happens between consenting adults is none of anyone else’s concern.

So embrace you, the sexually adventurous are free. You can let out frustration and live a happier life indulging in your kinks and fetishes every once in a while.

What is your Kink? What is your Fetish? What is your Story?

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Don’t Get Scammed: Do your Homework

Found yourself the unlucky recipient of a session that you’ve paid for – that was never received? You aren’t alone.

I have heard ‘I was scammed before’ time and time again, some are legitimate concerns others are trying to garner sympathy to get something for free from me (spoiler: it doesn’t work).

It can happen to the best of us. When I first started camming (I had the experience as a pro and virtual domme…but hadn’t offered webcam services) – I too got caught up in a few ‘let me see you for 5 seconds’ that lead to nothing. I chalk it up to experience, have adjusted and moved on.

While YOU getting scammed from someone else isn’t my problem, nor will I make up for them – there are things you can do with minimal work, that would protect yourself.

It really is a shame that there are so many scammers out there subs and Dommes alike. But, there are always sure fire ways to protect yourself. It just means you have to do your homework a little bit. Google can absolutely be your friend in this.

In a sentence: DO YOUR HOMEWORK

Let it be noted, none of this is about getting freebies. An experienced Domme will never give you free time on cam with a ‘promise from you’ that you’ll pay afterward or sign up for a session afterward. It is common knowledge, that THAT is how subs scam and try and get away with things. Even 2 seconds is too much, I won’t do it and others won’t either.

Specifically for Online/Distance Domination Sessions

Obviously, it isn’t fool proof, because every day there are phenomenal Dommes that are coming into the scene and are either brand new all around, or just brand new to the world of distance domination. A new profile doesn’t necessarily mean ‘scammer’

Just because she doesn’t want to get on cam, or doesn’t show face photos, or any photos for that matter – also doesn’t mean you are getting scammed.

Being scammed means you paid for a service and didn’t receive it.

Paying for a skype ID and she does text only or you are the only one hopping on cam, that doesn’t mean she is a scammer. There are MANY pro-dommes and phone Dommes that don’t and won’t get on cam. Unless you specifically paid for a cam session, buying a skype ID with no cam to cam doesn’t mean it’s a scam. You have to read her rules and if you have a question – ask. Don’t play dumb later on and get upset because you didn’t read the rules or clarify something with her first.

If you see a brand new profile and it simply has a few lines of text, and an itty bitty – barely legible photo, there may be some red flags there. Can you look up more info on her? Why not try calling and doing an intro call with her first?

I can’t say DON’T pay for the session up front, and I won’t. Because I charge up front. No money = no session. That is how I protect MYSELF from scammers. The freebie scraps that I throw out there can be found by you, and since they are out there – I won’t give them.  I am a cam/phone/text and pro-domme – I even have clips, so the way I see it – if you need proof, then you can spend 1-5 for the teaser clips I put out there. If you are stressing about spending 1-5 then you probably shouldn’t be seeking a pro-mistress. It is a small amount – if you can’t be bothered to part with it because of your fear of being ‘scammed’ then you simply aren’t the type of submissive I’d be looking for anyway. 😉

There are services out there that charge you per-minute while connected through their system. That is a way to minimize if there is a scammer. If the cam isn’t on within a couple minutes, disconnect. A few dollars and minutes is enough to figure it out.

You can check around, you can use google, you can call and do an interview session to get a feel for someone. Doing your homework keeps you from getting scammed.

If you paid for services not received – THAT is the scam. Period.

You not getting your way because you didn’t look up the fine print – NOT a scam…that is your bad judgment.

If you DON’T want to be scammed – or are apprehensive start with that initial interview call. Don’t think that because a mistress won’t give you ANY free attention means she is a scam. I charge for my time, which means I’m not open to giving it away for free. My contracts have set up fees, I have multiple services I offer for submissives, sissies and fetishists alike – and I am a premium domme – I have options. Some of the lesser amount if you are really gung-ho about ‘getting a feel for me’ – many dommes do. You just have to look it up.

Do Your Homework

That is my advice to keep yourself from getting scammed. One size doesn’t fit all. One domme not giving into your demands – well you have to question YOUR submissiveness if YOU are making ANY kind of demand. Doesn’t make it a scam.

If you have paid for services you have not received – that is a scam, and I do hope in the future you do your homework so that it doesn’t happen again.

If a Domme has provided services and was never paid – that is a scam, and I hope they chose to charge up front the next time — but many have experienced this at least once in their rise to the top. So as a submissive, understand when she does NOTHING without payment first. The homework is up to the submissive.

Experienced submissives know this and it’s ok to be inexperienced, we all had to start at the beginning somewhere. Just be smarter about it.

We like submissive men, not dumb ones and certainly not cheap ones.  

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Head Mistress and Variety

Every mistress out there appreciates a truly devoted pet. One that bends to her every will, one that complies with her every demand, one that knows her expectations and strives to exceed them. The pet doesn’t waste time, isn’t an energy suck – is just overall a well-trained sub.

BUT, THOSE subs are few and far between. I could throw a dart and hit someone that CLAIMS they are as devoted as they SAY but I am not one for empty promises. I am a mistress of action and tangible proof of your devotion. Don’t say it…DO it. That is, perhaps, another post later on.

Today I’m going over certain expectations I have for those that serve me.

While I love ones that are head-over-heals monogamous pets…I am not a monogamous mistress. You will not be my only pet. You could very well become a top pet but that position is something that is something that you have to constantly work at. I have found that the majority of submissive pets that are well-trained and are of the level of sub I want – they kind of need variety.

I am ok with your desire to have a variety of Mistresses.

I know there are Mistresses that will say that this is a hard-limit and you have no business serving others. That is fine. Live and let live.

I will say that if you are OWNED that I will not accept you as a pet. If you are OWNED you have no business seeking out another mistress to play with, UNLESS you have actual permission from your mistress. I don’t believe in stepping on the toes or disrespecting another mistress.

I don’t play the games of ‘well so and so, does this’ or ‘this mistress said that’ –if you are a pot stirrer that gets off on the drama some women tend to get off on I can point you in the proper direction but it won’t be towards me.

I expect honesty from my pets and submissives. Be honest about the fact that you like to shake things up.

With that said…I DO expect to be your HEADMISTRESS. If you want to be devoted to me, if you want to be in my good graces and not seen as a one and done type submissive, if you want to build on a D/s relationship – I expect to be your Head Mistress.

What is a Headmistress?

It shouldn’t be that hard to decipher. She is the one you ultimately serve. Sure you can go out for your variety when there are times that schedules don’t line up, or you just want to have a little swirl for the evening…but the rules set for you by your headmistress you ultimately follow.

For instance…with your headmistress if you are on a strict chastity. Don’t go to another mistress to have it removed, the only one that can remove it is your headmistress. The other mistress could encourage chastity or perhaps tease and torment you and humiliate you while you are in it.

Your Head Mistress has the final say over everything.

Respect is everything when it comes to properly serving a Domme. I respect your need for variety, just as I expect YOU to respect me as your headmistress.

Some may agree, some may disagree – I don’t care. You follow the rules of the one you deem as your headmistress. I don’t fight with other dommes and never will. There will never be a sub worth the energy of a fight. LOL However, I love the ability to partner up with them and turn you into a tennis ball that we hit back and forth and fuck your world up deeper.

Double-domme sessions are something I adore with a select group, and am always open to the idea of adding in more.

You take care of your Head Mistress and she is sure to make sure you are well taken care of too. Just food for thought.

Do you have a head mistress? Are you a single mistress sub or owned? What rules do you have to abide by?

Until next time my pets.

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How to find a Mistress

How do I find a mistress?

I’ve heard this tired question (or variants of it) time and time again. You see it in all forums and avenues, I see this question in skype, on my yahoo instant messenger, and in my emails almost daily. This question is just as basic and tiresome as “how do I talk to a girl”, something that you may ask if you were 10 years old and finding out there were girls (or boys) that…peaked…your interest. Sorry, I’m not sorry…there is such a thing as a stupid question and this would fall under it.

I understand that you are a submissive and may want some hand holding, and you may need some guidance. Something YOU must understand…is that you will have to do some legwork in order to connect with a worthwhile femdom. You need to ask specific, pointed questions. If you want a unique experience, then don’t ask a general question.

I know I come off as arrogant with those statements…it’s because I am part of the elite, I am entitled and I own it…because I’ve put in the work and have been a mistress for a while now.

First and foremost – It’s imperative that you figure out the basic bit of knowledge…are you seeking a personal/lifestyle relationship or are you seeking pro-domination. You should NEVER contact a pro-domme if you are seeking something that doesn’t involve tributing for the session.  I am a pro-domme, findom and I charge for my services. Asking basic questions may still require a tribute because if you are going to take up MY time to help you instead of searching for the information yourself, I deserve to be compensated for that time. Any respectful human being would understand that, submissive or not.

So, you’ve decided you will never go into the pro-domination scene. You don’t want to pay for it, or you are of the cloth that believes that ‘real mistresses don’t charge’ (FYI…that’s a load of shit and no mistress will want ANYONE with attitudes like that. Even ones that don’t charge). That’s fine, so the follow up question would be what ARE you looking for? An actual lover-type relationship or just someone to play with?

My best suggestion at finding a mistress or scene play partner is to get involved in the local scene, go to the munches, go to the get-togethers reach out and make those connections. I know that can be daunting and scary, but it will be the best way to meet someone and possibly forming those connections to create a bond that will lead into play partners. (Sounds a lot like dating right? It absolutely is.)

If you are looking for a one time only thing, it is less likely to happen…and you’d be better off going to a pro-domme or trying your luck with a personal friend that just wants to take a walk on the wild side.

Then you must answer this question about yourself…what do YOU have to offer?

Along with the emails that will ask ‘how do I find a mistress’ I will receive a laundry list of THEIR wants and THEIR demands. Often making claims of “I’ll do whatever you want mistress”, “Please use me mistress”, or one of my favorites “can I be your oral slave mistress?” (As if any 28 year old girl of any status wants to let some random boy lick her and give them the ultimate privilege…*eyeroll*)

Please understand that an elite femdom, any intelligent mistress worth serving has a specific set of skills, she lives the lifestyle, she hones in on her craft; constantly growing it and perfecting it.

She also will not come for ‘free’ if you want free or relationship status it really just starts with being a decent human being, not doling out a to-do list of your sexual desires.

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What is Subspace?

Ever heard about this so called subspace?

It exists my dears. Several have reached it, and if you are one of my submissive pets…it is a place I intend to take you.

I took the liberty of copying the definition from Wikipedia for you (now, normally I would not use Wikipedia as a worthy source…but for most sexual fetishies and niches, it seems to be ok 😉 )

Subspace (also sub space, flying, or floating), in the context of a BDSM scene, is a psychological state that can sometimes be entered by the person bottoming in the scene.

Subspace is a metaphor for the state the bottom’s mind and body is in during a deeply involved play scene. Many types of BDSM play invoke strong physical responses. The psychological aspect of BDSM also causes many bottoms to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience. Deep subspace is often characterized as a state of deep recession and incoherence. Deep subspace may also cause a danger in newer bottoms who are unfamiliar with the experience, and require the dominant to keep a careful watch to ensure the bottom isn’t placing himself or herself in danger. Many bottoms require aftercare while returning from subspace.

What does subspace mean to you?

Subspace can be seen as an erotic trance of sorts. You are in a state of pure submissive bliss. You may think you are at you’re weakest state, you’re most vulnerable, but content.

Its one of those feelings that are easier to describe, by placing you there. But it is a state of mind that isn’t easily obtained by just anyone.

Take for example a little newbie pet of mine recently—he has been so eager to leave a lasting impression on his mistress, so willing to make me happy.

Within a few hours of our first session, we was sinking into a subspace. Substantially sooner than most, but we did speak for almost 7 straight hours and just had that spark, that connection.

In his particular subspace, hearing my voice is more erotic and enticing than the fantasy of having sex with me.

His particular situation…he knows he would not even get a pity fuck.

But, he is melting to my voice, he is melting to my words, and adhering to my instructions.

I did not allow him release.

Instead, passed him to another mistress to obtain some more tease and denial training, and we have been bouncing him back and forth.

His level of subspace is so intense, so deep…that I’d almost say it’s the deepest I’ve seen of anyone. His happiness is based on our happiness…on MY happiness.

He could lay there in total silence, counting his breaths, feeling everything around him…not wanting to come back to reality.

But, that is just one example…the experience is different for everyone. If you know YOU , and know your desires, I can get you there quicker…but if you are a newbie sub, and just learning…it could take a tad longer to bring you to that amazing spot known as sub space.

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Sensual Domination at its finest: Nurturing Domme

Sometimes you just need sensual dominance, a more nurturing domme

You’ve had a long hard day at work. You basically run the place. You are Mister Macho.

So when you come to me. You are searching for a way to loosen your tie and just leave your inhibitions at the door. You are looking for a sexy, sensual woman to take total control.

While I’m sure you have seen my very strict, dominate side…hopefully you are also aware of my sensual dominate side.

The more nurturing dominate side.

I am a mistress of all trades, a true fetishist and I know how to fulfill those desires that you seek.

Slowly but surely the stress from your work week will melt away as you slip under my spell, under my control- A loving, sensual domme that has your best interests at heart…with a few interests of mine.

I’ll make you the center of my attention—the focus of my domination–Using it to bring your cock to that edge time and time again. You will understand the true meaning of tantric masturbation, of how good it feels to let a dominate woman take the reins and take control in ways you never thought imaginable.

Come to me baby, come with me. Together let’s explore sensual domination.

The various degrees of what domination is. With just a few questions, I’ll be wrapping you around my pretty little princess finger, and you will be begging for release soon enough.

The stress of the day, will soon be forgotten.

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Femdom relationship : Communication is Key

As with every aspect of life to get the most out of your femdom relationship, communication is KEY.

Being able to articulate your desires, your limits, and address any concerns you may have are paramount to solidifying and moving forth and growing within that setting: regardless if it is a personal femdom relationship or a professional one.

Even if you are just starting out as a submissive, you still have an IDEA of what rode you want to take. If you are a clean slate and are OK with your Domme guiding you through the many layers of the Femdom world that’s ok…just be prepared for what all that may or may not entail.

An experienced Domme will know how to deal with the ‘green’ submissives. But, she will also see through you almost immediately if you are claiming green but are just someone trying to be sneaky for whatever reason you may have. With that said, as new as you may be…you STILL need to have at least an inkling of which direction you want to go, which area you would like to even test drive.

You must always be careful with the statement “Do whatever you want to me” – which is loathed by many Dominants, male and female alike. You make that statement and I’ll immediately go straight to the wallet rapping and pegging. (Hey if that’s something you are into that’s even better 😉 but often times the submissive is looking for something different)

Speaking from experience, my ideal submissive is one that I would classify as a cerebral submissive. One that analyzes, one that experiments, one that isn’t afraid to express his own desires. Of course his desires and my desires SHOULD pair up if we are going to ‘connect’ on a deeper level for the more cerebral part. You could classify it as a mind fuck, one that goes beyond the session. (Im working on a post for what I view as a cerebral submissive that I’ll post at some point)

If you don’t know your limits, it’s important to learn them, so that you can better communicate them. I adore my pain slut submissives, but they absolutely need to know their limits so we can play within safer perimeters — or so I know how far is to far and ease them to that limit so they can one day surpass it. (I certainly have goals for them 😉 )

I have had experiences where we didn’t connect due to lack of communication, both RT pro-sessions and distance. He may not have known HOW to communicate the desires or didn’t understand, and it wasn’t really a blemish on my part as the dominate. I’ve been in the game a long time, I know I’m amazing 😉 For me there has to be more than just ‘do your thing’ if you want MORE than how I respond to ‘do your thing’

Communicating your goals and thoughts is NOT topping from the bottom when coming from a place of honesty and respect. Topping from the bottom is not ok whether you are an online submissive or RT submissive, with your femdom relationship.

In my eyes, those are two completely different beasts.

Everyone has goals. I have my ideas on where I want to take a submissive, and I’m sure the submissive has his own goals. In order for everyone to get the full enjoyment and all around experience…Communication is key within the femdom relationship.

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strap-on training and pegging

Do you have a fantasy about a Femdom like me using my strap-on dildo on you?   Do you like sensual strap-on worship or hardcore strap-on sucking and fucking? Think you could handle worshiping my strap-on dildo that is nearly DOUBLE the size of your pathetic little dick?

Perhaps you already have a dildo to use during our strap on training phone domination call and want me to tell you exactly how I will use it on you.   Whatever your desire, you have found your  Strap-on Trainer.  I know some men view the strap-on as the symbol of Femdom power and enjoy being taken by a Mistress in a Dom\sub power exchange scenario. If I’m in a very dominant mood, I will make you take my cock deep in your throat, even make you gag on it.

Do you like it rough?  I know other men enjoy forced bi role plays or strap on training that will lead them toward taking cock flesh instead of a cock sextoy.

And even other men enjoy my strap-on stimulating their male G-spot a/k/a the P-spot (P stands for the male Prostate gland) which makes them experience the most intense, mind-blowing orgasms.

I have several different strap-on sizes that I use and I can tell you how I’ve used them in person if you want to hear about my strap-on experiences–My favorite being my 8.5 inch bright red, ribbed one.

As your Strap-on Trainer, I will take your desires further than you’ve fantasized or actualized.

Submitting to my strapon is certainly a way to show obedience. I’ve been known to severly punish submissives using my strapon. Their tight little assholes, well, they weren’t so tight when I was done with them!

If you think you are ready to submit to a strap-on domme like me and submit to my strap-on training that includes anal stretching — contact me.

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Discipline of the Submissive

There is so much more to being a discipline mistress than dueling out over the knee spankings, and whippings.

I will train and condition you in different areas and focuses of the fetish lifestyle and kink. I know the inner workings of a true submissive and know that the type of submissive I seek, is one that needs training and growth in their kink. I prefer someone cerebral that does have ideas for their trainings and can add to the session. In some instances I have a brand-new-to-fetish submissive that needs to learn what it is that makes him tick and that is precisely what I do.

I discipline new submissive and train them in the erotic form of fetish and kink.

Of course I love to paddle your asses until they are bright red and throbbing. Inflicting pain for my pleasure is something I will always take great pride in. But, I paddle with a purpose.

I whip you to further your training, in whatever area that may be. I whip you because as a submissive you need constant reminding of your place, and that is at my feet, bent over, ready to take whatever punishment your mistress is going to hand out

I will teach you that being submissive to a discipline mistress, always goes beyond. A whipping isn’t just a whipping; a cock tease isn’t just a cock tease. There are many layers of femdom, fetish and kink. Where you start on your submissive journey will be similar, but where you go and where you end up (And keep ending up) changes because of the ever-evolving nature of kink.

I will mold you and discipline you to become the submissive play thing that I want you to become. Enjoy the journey.

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