How do I find a mistress?
I’ve heard this tired question (or variants of it) time and time again. You see it in all forums and avenues, I see this question in skype, on my yahoo instant messenger, and in my emails almost daily. This question is just as basic and tiresome as “how do I talk to a girl”, something that you may ask if you were 10 years old and finding out there were girls (or boys) that…peaked…your interest. Sorry, I’m not sorry…there is such a thing as a stupid question and this would fall under it.
I understand that you are a submissive and may want some hand holding, and you may need some guidance. Something YOU must understand…is that you will have to do some legwork in order to connect with a worthwhile femdom. You need to ask specific, pointed questions. If you want a unique experience, then don’t ask a general question.
I know I come off as arrogant with those statements…it’s because I am part of the elite, I am entitled and I own it…because I’ve put in the work and have been a mistress for a while now.
First and foremost – It’s imperative that you figure out the basic bit of knowledge…are you seeking a personal/lifestyle relationship or are you seeking pro-domination. You should NEVER contact a pro-domme if you are seeking something that doesn’t involve tributing for the session. I am a pro-domme, findom and I charge for my services. Asking basic questions may still require a tribute because if you are going to take up MY time to help you instead of searching for the information yourself, I deserve to be compensated for that time. Any respectful human being would understand that, submissive or not.
So, you’ve decided you will never go into the pro-domination scene. You don’t want to pay for it, or you are of the cloth that believes that ‘real mistresses don’t charge’ (FYI…that’s a load of shit and no mistress will want ANYONE with attitudes like that. Even ones that don’t charge). That’s fine, so the follow up question would be what ARE you looking for? An actual lover-type relationship or just someone to play with?
My best suggestion at finding a mistress or scene play partner is to get involved in the local scene, go to the munches, go to the get-togethers reach out and make those connections. I know that can be daunting and scary, but it will be the best way to meet someone and possibly forming those connections to create a bond that will lead into play partners. (Sounds a lot like dating right? It absolutely is.)
If you are looking for a one time only thing, it is less likely to happen…and you’d be better off going to a pro-domme or trying your luck with a personal friend that just wants to take a walk on the wild side.
Then you must answer this question about yourself…what do YOU have to offer?
Along with the emails that will ask ‘how do I find a mistress’ I will receive a laundry list of THEIR wants and THEIR demands. Often making claims of “I’ll do whatever you want mistress”, “Please use me mistress”, or one of my favorites “can I be your oral slave mistress?” (As if any 28 year old girl of any status wants to let some random boy lick her and give them the ultimate privilege…*eyeroll*)
Please understand that an elite femdom, any intelligent mistress worth serving has a specific set of skills, she lives the lifestyle, she hones in on her craft; constantly growing it and perfecting it.
She also will not come for ‘free’ if you want free or relationship status it really just starts with being a decent human being, not doling out a to-do list of your sexual desires.