The Illusion of the 24/7 Slave

You have scoured the internet for the perfect Mistress or Mommy Mistress. One that fits everything you could ever picture. The diamond in the rough, the union if you will. You found her. You find out how to contact her. You send an email — Your first ever conversation with her.

“Are you looking for a 24/7 live in slave”

How do you really expect someone to respond to that? If it were the vanilla dating girl and you found pictures and a profile of the girl of your dreams and sent a message

“let’s get married tomorrow and I want to move in”

It is not going to be met with a warm response IF you get a response at all. Instead, the email is marked spam, you may be blocked and you are dubbed ‘creepy as fuck’

You simply can’t contact someone on the first conversation and ask for 24/7 servitude. Maybe YOU have decided she is perfect for you…but how do you know SHE would think you are perfect for her?

The FANTASY of the 24/7 submissive, live-in-slave is a great one to roleplay out with RT sessions or Online domination sessions — But if you are asking in terms of a lifestyle 24/7 live in submissive or adult baby you have to understand the gravity of what you are asking.

I put in all my profiles and postings that I am not looking for a 24/7 live in submissive in any form.

Truth is IF I ever DID take one on it would happen organically. It would come by slowly and naturally just as any normal vanilla relationship would.

There is a courting period…there is a bonding period…and who knows if it would ever move past that.

To me a 24/7 live in slave is the same as a live in boyfriend or spouse. It would happen organically and I can guarantee I will never consider an arrangement like that long-term from a single email where we have never even met.

Of course, the illusion is fantastic. It is a beautiful picture.

You wake up early every day to have my coffee ready for me, my shower warmed up, my clothes for the day laid out.

We go our separate ways during the day as you would be expected to contribute to household expenses and all of mine. I go tend to my career goals in the vanilla world and come home to dinner already prepared, a glass of red wine poured, and the chores already done.

Every day for you is greeted with a swat or two as a daily discipline to remind you of your place. Every day you are to sit, kneeling at my feet awaiting my next command. You would live to serve me.

If you earned a reward then you would receive said reward when I deemed acceptable. You wouldn’t sleep in my bed, you would sleep in a dog cage or on the mat outside my door like a dog. You would eat out of a bowl. You would be collared full time and there would be no end to your serving me.

During online domination sessions I love to go over how it would be, even I like the fantasy of it. During my RT sessions I’ve done longer ones and would do a 24 hour or more live in slave scenario/role play

Of course for my adoring adult diaper lovers and sissy babies longer babysitting is exciting as well and is obviously much different than what I would fantasize as far as a slave goes.

The sky is the limit with imagination — hold onto the illusion of a 24/7 slave…role play it out…but if you are seeking an actual position of a 24/7 take time to think of what it really means and figure out how you should REALLY approach that type of conversation.

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How to find a Mistress

How do I find a mistress?

I’ve heard this tired question (or variants of it) time and time again. You see it in all forums and avenues, I see this question in skype, on my yahoo instant messenger, and in my emails almost daily. This question is just as basic and tiresome as “how do I talk to a girl”, something that you may ask if you were 10 years old and finding out there were girls (or boys) that…peaked…your interest. Sorry, I’m not sorry…there is such a thing as a stupid question and this would fall under it.

I understand that you are a submissive and may want some hand holding, and you may need some guidance. Something YOU must understand…is that you will have to do some legwork in order to connect with a worthwhile femdom. You need to ask specific, pointed questions. If you want a unique experience, then don’t ask a general question.

I know I come off as arrogant with those statements…it’s because I am part of the elite, I am entitled and I own it…because I’ve put in the work and have been a mistress for a while now.

First and foremost – It’s imperative that you figure out the basic bit of knowledge…are you seeking a personal/lifestyle relationship or are you seeking pro-domination. You should NEVER contact a pro-domme if you are seeking something that doesn’t involve tributing for the session.  I am a pro-domme, findom and I charge for my services. Asking basic questions may still require a tribute because if you are going to take up MY time to help you instead of searching for the information yourself, I deserve to be compensated for that time. Any respectful human being would understand that, submissive or not.

So, you’ve decided you will never go into the pro-domination scene. You don’t want to pay for it, or you are of the cloth that believes that ‘real mistresses don’t charge’ (FYI…that’s a load of shit and no mistress will want ANYONE with attitudes like that. Even ones that don’t charge). That’s fine, so the follow up question would be what ARE you looking for? An actual lover-type relationship or just someone to play with?

My best suggestion at finding a mistress or scene play partner is to get involved in the local scene, go to the munches, go to the get-togethers reach out and make those connections. I know that can be daunting and scary, but it will be the best way to meet someone and possibly forming those connections to create a bond that will lead into play partners. (Sounds a lot like dating right? It absolutely is.)

If you are looking for a one time only thing, it is less likely to happen…and you’d be better off going to a pro-domme or trying your luck with a personal friend that just wants to take a walk on the wild side.

Then you must answer this question about yourself…what do YOU have to offer?

Along with the emails that will ask ‘how do I find a mistress’ I will receive a laundry list of THEIR wants and THEIR demands. Often making claims of “I’ll do whatever you want mistress”, “Please use me mistress”, or one of my favorites “can I be your oral slave mistress?” (As if any 28 year old girl of any status wants to let some random boy lick her and give them the ultimate privilege…*eyeroll*)

Please understand that an elite femdom, any intelligent mistress worth serving has a specific set of skills, she lives the lifestyle, she hones in on her craft; constantly growing it and perfecting it.

She also will not come for ‘free’ if you want free or relationship status it really just starts with being a decent human being, not doling out a to-do list of your sexual desires.

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Femdom relationship : Communication is Key

As with every aspect of life to get the most out of your femdom relationship, communication is KEY.

Being able to articulate your desires, your limits, and address any concerns you may have are paramount to solidifying and moving forth and growing within that setting: regardless if it is a personal femdom relationship or a professional one.

Even if you are just starting out as a submissive, you still have an IDEA of what rode you want to take. If you are a clean slate and are OK with your Domme guiding you through the many layers of the Femdom world that’s ok…just be prepared for what all that may or may not entail.

An experienced Domme will know how to deal with the ‘green’ submissives. But, she will also see through you almost immediately if you are claiming green but are just someone trying to be sneaky for whatever reason you may have. With that said, as new as you may be…you STILL need to have at least an inkling of which direction you want to go, which area you would like to even test drive.

You must always be careful with the statement “Do whatever you want to me” – which is loathed by many Dominants, male and female alike. You make that statement and I’ll immediately go straight to the wallet rapping and pegging. (Hey if that’s something you are into that’s even better 😉 but often times the submissive is looking for something different)

Speaking from experience, my ideal submissive is one that I would classify as a cerebral submissive. One that analyzes, one that experiments, one that isn’t afraid to express his own desires. Of course his desires and my desires SHOULD pair up if we are going to ‘connect’ on a deeper level for the more cerebral part. You could classify it as a mind fuck, one that goes beyond the session. (Im working on a post for what I view as a cerebral submissive that I’ll post at some point)

If you don’t know your limits, it’s important to learn them, so that you can better communicate them. I adore my pain slut submissives, but they absolutely need to know their limits so we can play within safer perimeters — or so I know how far is to far and ease them to that limit so they can one day surpass it. (I certainly have goals for them 😉 )

I have had experiences where we didn’t connect due to lack of communication, both RT pro-sessions and distance. He may not have known HOW to communicate the desires or didn’t understand, and it wasn’t really a blemish on my part as the dominate. I’ve been in the game a long time, I know I’m amazing 😉 For me there has to be more than just ‘do your thing’ if you want MORE than how I respond to ‘do your thing’

Communicating your goals and thoughts is NOT topping from the bottom when coming from a place of honesty and respect. Topping from the bottom is not ok whether you are an online submissive or RT submissive, with your femdom relationship.

In my eyes, those are two completely different beasts.

Everyone has goals. I have my ideas on where I want to take a submissive, and I’m sure the submissive has his own goals. In order for everyone to get the full enjoyment and all around experience…Communication is key within the femdom relationship.

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